Signs and Inspiration: For L.M.

Inspiration shows up in the strangest of places at the strangest of times. A while ago I met a lovely person through a colleague. Today this woman and I found out that we were linked in other ways, through other people. Then this woman told me that she followed my blog. A couple of years ago, I would have been thrilled to hear this. Now I’m just embarrassed because I am one of those failed bloggers who keeps promising to write more, post more…and then doesn’t. I could go into several reasons why I haven’t written but then I’d be even more embarrassed. So instead, I’ll take her acknowledgement of being a follower as a sign. I won’t promise to write more often because every time I make such a promise, I break it. Today I will see the sign and be inspired to try again–to take time to allow myself to be creative, to play with language and form, to write freely without harsh self-criticism–with no strings attached. Here’s to (today’s) new beginning.

Letting go of something without really being
Aware of the fact is often more
Upsetting than
Recognizing that you are leaving it behind until
Eventually someone reminds you of who you once were and you realize that
Nothing is forever and that you can start over again, at any time.

If you’d like to contact me about this post or about anything else you’ve read,
please email me: judyamy74(at)gmail.com or tweet me @JudyAmy74.

Warning! (D is for Don’t)

Don’t ever agree (even to yourself) to commit to something you aren’t sure you can follow up on.

I’m only on the fourth day of this A-Z blogging challenge and already I feel more disconnected and disjointed from my writing then I have for a long time. Perhaps it’s because I’m sick with a cough and cold so the only thing I can think of is when I can go to bed.

I suppose an alternate title for this post could be titled Dried Up Creativity. That would be fairly accurate. I’m hoping I can gather more enthusiasm (E) for tomorrow.

Blue Monday

Bins carefully packaged and
Lined with forgotten holiday treasures are tucked away neatly
Under the stairs.
Everything is back to normal

(except that the)

Mailboxes are overflowing with bills;
Opening each one brings another moment of anxiety.
No one can seem to get ahead of the
December debt that
Accumulates over the Holiday Season
Year after year after year.

Notes: This poem is definitely unfinished, (I am not happy with the break between the stanzas) but I wanted to get it up before Blue Monday becomes a distant memory. Even if it’s not scientifically true that yesterday was the most depressing day of the year, it was still a good chance for me to challenge my post-Holiday blues by attempting to access my creativity and write an acrostic poem about the topic.

If you would like to contact me about this post or about anything else you’ve read please email me at: judyamy74@gmail.com or tweet me @JudyAmy74
I’d love to hear from you!

Goodbye 2015, Hello Sweet ’16!

2015 was a great year for me. In many ways I’m sorry to see it go. I spent most of 2015 as a 40 year old woman who was finally starting to feel comfortable in her own skin. That alone makes for a great year.

Here are some highlights:

I spoke at a few different venues on themes of writing, poetry, social justice, and creativity. I created a really fantastic art installation to encourage teachers to use artifacts in their teaching. I believed in myself more and was less afraid to share my ideas and feelings with others. The end is in sight for my M. Ed. degree. Overall, 2015 was pretty good.

Of course there’s always a flip side–

For every talk I gave on poetry and writing, I wrote less poetry. The fantastic art piece took a lot of my creative energy and before I could continue, I needed to recharge. With my newfound confidence also came new challenges, particularly for other people who were used to me in a certain role.

So, what am I hoping for from 2016?

More of my own creative projects. While I enjoy researching and crafting assignments for professors, I am very much looking forward to choosing what I want to create based on my ideas.

For the poetic muse to return. It feels like it’s been a long time and I’m hoping it’s not lost forever. I used to always wish people love, laughter, and poetry for the New Year. Perhaps I need to wish myself the same.

For my newly discovered sense of self to continue growing, while still being mindful that it might be difficult at times for those around me.

To nurture a giving and generous spirit, in myself and my family. Having seen our oldest raid the pantry daily during the month of December for his school’s Food Bank drive, I know that this spirit is strong.  Giving always begets more.

To be happy. I always wish this. And each year my happiness seems to grow. I attribute this to my wonderful family and friends.¹ So this is what I wish for you: Happiness. Pure and simple. In whatever form, wherever you find it, grab onto it and hold onto it, but remember to also give some away to those who have less than you.

Best wishes for a Happy New Year, in the purest, truest, deepest sense of the word! Here’s to a Sweet ’16!

A picture of the author, many celebrations ago. Cheers!

¹ My happiness may also be attributed in part to Wellbutrin® and a great therapist. (And gin and tonic.)

If you would like to contact me about this post or about anything else you’ve read please email me at: judyamy74@gmail.com or tweet me @JudyAmy74

 

 

 

 

Valentine’s Day 2015: A Facebook Found Poem

Because I intervened
Valentine’s Day will
Never be the same.

My little neighbours
Were screaming:
Mommy is dead.

I felt like a
Big Mama Bear
As I
Randownthehallway
To my neighbours.

I pounded on their door.
Surprised,
The abuser opened.
I yelled.
He left.

Mommy lay unconscious,
Bleeding,
With Baby beside her.

Days later,
My stomach still turns,
My anger still fresh.

Why did I intervene?
Possibly putting myself and
My boys
At risk–
Why?

Because
23 years ago,
That was me.

And my neighbours did
Nothing
To help me.
They turned a blind eye.

So I intervened.

–J. Amy & J. MacDonald, 2015

Notes: This is a new form of poetry I am working on. It’s an exercise of sorts and I’m not sure how successful it will be, and I would appreciate any feedback you may have.  I’ve always been interested in how social media, particularly Facebook, guides our behaviour and the words we choose to use to tell our stories. When my friend updated her status with an account of her Valentine’s Day, I saw the poetry potential within the lines. J.MacDonald has graciously allowed me to use her words and transmediate the text. Most Facebook status updates are pretty short, so I’m not sure how many poems like this I will be able to craft. Nonetheless Facebook friends, don’t be surprised if I ask you to collaborate on a poem with me–your words might be just what I’m looking for.

If you would like to contact me about this post or about anything else you’ve read please email me at: judyamy74(at)gmail(dot)com or tweet me @JudyAmy74

Throw Back Thursday: The Creative Process

think
dream
do—–
repeat.

think
dream
do—–
reflect.

think
dream
do—-
reject.

think
dream
do—–
revise.

think
dream
do—–
repeat.

2013/Revised 2014

Notes: This was one of my earliest posts, and is also the title of my blog. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. In a course I took last Spring, we were to come up with a definition or working idea of our own Creative Process. I feel in any creative endeavour, there is a continual revision, and a striving for that elusive feeling of rightness. My  Creative Process has evolved somewhat since I first wrote this, but it basically follows the same premise–think, dream, do. I’m doing my best. At least, I think I am. And if I’m not, I’ll try again.

What’s your Creative Process?

If you would like to contact me about this post or about anything else you’ve read please email me at: judyamy74@gmail.com or tweet me @JudyAmy74

Article 4

No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms.

I am the woman
Shivering on the corner of
Higgins and Main
As you drive by and decide
Whether or not to stop.

I am the girl
Working in a sweatshop
Miles and thoughts away
As you walk through the Gap and decide
Which shirt to buy.

I am the woman
Dusting your lamps and
Mopping your floors
As you check your phone and decide
Where to go for lunch.

I am the working poor.
I am the child labourer.
I am the illegal immigrant.

I am a slave.

Universal Declaration of Human Rights wall at the UN (Photo credit: Jordan Lewin)

Notes: I’m currently participating in a Summer Writing Institute entitled Writing for/as Human Rights and Social Justice. It’s for teachers wishing to explore the possibilities for teaching writing as social justice pedagogy. Yesterday there was an activity where we each got an article from the Declaration of Human Rights. After discussing the articles in a round robin sort of way, we returned to reflect and write a response to our article. I was given Article 4. This was my response.

If you’d like to contact me about this post or about anything else you’ve read please email me at: judyamy74@gmail.com or tweet me @JudyAmy74

 

 

Just Let Go/No Way Out

The small white pill
(Smooth and round)
Slides down my throat
Like a dream.

And like a dream
It blurs reality;
Softens the edges,
Removes the sharpness.

At first
It feels good
To release
(relinquish control)
and
Just
Let
Go.

Eagerly
(Greedily, hungrily)
I reach for the bottle
That takes the knives away
And transfers me to
The land of
Plastic spoons.

But plastic spoons are temporary
And I tire of this
Endless nothingness and
Emptiness
That this soft blurred world
Offers me.

But I can see
No
Way
Out.

Unsure of what to do,
I shake the pill into my hand
Swallow its smooth roundness
And continue in my dream-like state.

Notes

I almost always add a note or two following my writing, particularly my poems. I started this as a guide for myself about what I liked and didn’t like about the poem, as well as a place to pose questions and invite suggestions. However, my husband said that I should let my poetry stand alone, and that by explaining myself I was not allowing my reader the chance to interpret my writing. He has a point. Do I add the notes because I am afraid that my poetry cannot stand alone, without the crutch of my after-thoughts? Perhaps I will attempt a stand-alone poem, and restrain myself. I will do my best to let the poem speak and be heard, without the attached notes.

Creativity Project Self-Evaluation

I found these writing self-evaluation questions and prompts on-line for a university course and felt they were a good place for me to begin evaluating myself. I have altered and edited the questions to make them more relevant to me.

1. What piece of writing was easiest for you? Why? What does that suggest about you? I think the piece of writing that was easiest for me to post was the poem For J. It was written several years ago and I have always liked it and felt fairly confident about it. For this reason, it was the easiest for me to post. I think this suggests my initial hesitation about delving into a medium that I hadn’t been active in in several years.
2. What was the most challenging part of the Creative Project Assignment? I think the most challenging part of the Creative Project Assignment was journaling about the process, with specific reference to our readings. I do feel like I failed on several occasions in regard to this. How did you deal with the challenge and what was the outcome? I feel that I did my best to discuss the Creative Process as I understood it and how it related to my writing and poetry. So, perhaps I didn’t specifically quote the readings, the process was still being investigated.
3. In what ways has your writing improved or changed during this class? What aspects did you choose to work on and to what effect? I think the most significant change for me has been my confidence level. When I first started I was extremely critical of everything I wrote and hesitated before posting it. After a while, I started to gain more confidence and began releasing myself from the restrictions I had put in place and just let myself enjoy the process. This is when I feel the poetic viewpoint (see post Thinking Poetically) really started to come into place. I chose to focus on poetry, but not to limit myself. I allowed myself to explore different areas of interest to me. I think this was most effective in keeping me engaged in the blog. The freedom of not having to post be a poem was liberating.
4. What activities have helped you work most on your writing?  What for example, was the effect of peer review? Class discussions, listening to the radio, making a conscious effort to really listen and observe my children all helped me with my writing. In my case, peer review would refer to other bloggers who stumbled onto my posts who would write encouraging comments. Again, this helped with my self-esteem issues, which is tangled up in this whole process of making my private writing a little more public.
5. What post did you learn the most from and why? Which piece of writing are you most proud of and why? I learned the most from the poem about losing my dad to cancer. (see post 2/3: An Unfinished Poem) I learned how deeply the Creative Process can affect one, and that the effects may not always be positive. The piece of writing I am most proud of is the poem, For J-Revisited (see post: for J-Revisited) because it helped me re-visit an old relationship and a recent encounter with that person that left me feeling like things were unresolved. Somehow the act of writing this poem gave me a feeling of resolution. This was another moment when I realized the power of the Creative Process.
6. What do you wish you worked more on and why? Did you do more or less than was expected of the professor? Why or why not? I wish I had worked more on interweaving the readings on the Creative Process when discussing my writings. I think perhaps in this respect I did less than was expected of the professor. However, I did find it difficult to both create something new and also to comment on it in terms of the readings. I feel as though I gave the majority of my energy to the creative writing portion and less to the journal commentary, although I did feel as though I was starting to get the hang of discussing my poems near the end of the term.
7. Are you the same thinker, reader, or writer who began the class? If not, what is different? I think I am a different thinker, reader, and writer. My confidence level has improved, but more importantly my consciousness of the Creative Process has really come to the forefront in a big way. (see blog entries: Thinking Poetically and Poetic (Im)balance) I think that this helps me as a thinker, reader, and writer.
8. What was the most useful part of this project? The most frustrating?  I think the most useful part of this project was also the most frustrating. Relating our creative endeavours to “the things we discuss, do and research in class” I feel like I didn’t go into as much depth as I could have regarding this. However, I do really feel it caused me to consciously pay attention to what it was I was doing when I was constructing my blog posts.

Overall, I have thoroughly enjoyed this project. It’s made me more confident as a writer and it has reconnected me with the creative process and reaffirmed the need for me to have a creative outlet that I can sustain. I definitely feel that I will continue writing on this blog and continue crafting my poetry. In last night’s post I was writing about attempting to live the poetic life–an endeavour I will continue to strive toward by thinking poetically and creatively and to keep the creative lense on.

June 12, 2013

Original Self-Evaluation Questions and Prompts edited and adapted from:

http://writingthinkingargumentculture.blogspot.ca/2013/04/self-evaluation-brainstorming.html