Intro to Poetry, Day 8: Pleasure

What makes you happy?
Therapists like to
Ask me this question.
I don’t know, I answer.
I only seem to know
What makes me unhappy.

Do you know
What makes you happy?
I ask the therapists.
We’re here to talk about you,
They say as they ask me again:
What makes you happy?

So round and round we go
Until one of us (usually me)
Quits the game and finds a
A new partner willing to play.

The game begins again.

What makes you happy?
I don’t know.
I only know what makes me unhappy.
What makes you happy?

Happiness by Geralt www.pixabay.com

Happiness by Geralt
http://www.pixabay.com

Notes: Today’s theme was “Pleasure” and the challenge was to structure the poem using anaphora or epistrophe. The more I tried, the worse it got. While there is some repetition in my poem I’m not sure it would fall under either of those categories. I found the theme of “Pleasure” difficult to write about within the parameters of the challenge. I think I might have written a better poem had I not tried to take on the challenge, but this course is about learning to stretch my boundaries, so I can’t expect a great poem every day.

If you’d like to contact me about this post or about anything else you’ve read,
please email me: judyamy74(at)gmail.com or tweet me @JudyAmy74.

Intro to Poetry, Day 7: Flavour

Found Poem, 07/22/2017 Source: Canadian Living Magazine

Found Poem, 07/22/2017 Source: Canadian Living Magazine

Notes: Today’s theme was “Flavour” and the challenge was to write a Found Poem, which is kind of like a collage with words. Found poetry is one of my favourite forms of poetry and I use it a lot in my research, but it’s been a while since I actually physically cut and pasted a poem onto paper. I enjoyed it quite a bit.

If you’d like to contact me about this post or about anything else you’ve read,
please email me: judyamy74(at)gmail.com or tweet me @JudyAmy74.

 

Intro to Poetry, Day 6: Screen

facebook

facebook (Photo credit: sitmonkeysupreme)

Facebook:
A place to share your life with
Friends,
Family,
Co-workers.

Many status updates seem to infer that:
Everything is super positively hunky-dory
ALL THE TIME!!!!
(regardless of actual truth)
I LOVE (insert heart or smiley here)
My family!
My friends!!
My co-workers!!

This one was different–
A status updating
Friends,
Family,
Co-workers.
A note with a final goodbye.
Comments made below
Couldn’t save him.

Facebook:
The  place he shared his death
With
His family,
His friends,
His colleagues.

We need more
Than likes and shares
More than
Emoji representing how we feel
(or how we present ourselves as feeling)
More than
Facebook.

We need
People to share our lives with.

Originally written: 11/28/2013; Edited: 07/21/2017

Notes: Today’s topic was “screen” and  the challenge was to try to use enjambment, something that is in almost all of my poems, so it wasn’t that difficult of a challenge for me. However, it was a crazy, busy day so today’s poem is actually a re-post of a poem. I wrote it a few years ago after learning that a kind, gentle friend of my partner’s had died by suicide after leaving a goodbye message on Facebook. I wrote the poem to try to work through some of what I was feeling. As I re-read it today, I feel many of the same feelings I felt four years ago. Writing poetry helps me process information, but the processing is ongoing.

If you’d like to contact me about this post or about anything else you’ve read,
please email me: judyamy74(at)gmail.com or tweet me @JudyAmy74.

Intro to Poetry, Day 5: Imperfect

Reflecting back on my life
I think about times of strife:
Was I always this sad?
It can’t all have been bad.
Then again, maybe I should hide my sharp knife.

Photo posted on Twitter by Urban Decay.

Photo posted on Twitter by Urban Decay.

Notes: Today’s theme was “Imperfect” and the challenge was to write a limerick. I had no trouble with the theme–I write a lot about my imperfections, but writing a limerick was an interesting challenge. I might try it again sometime.

If you’d like to contact me about this post or about anything else you’ve read,
please email me: judyamy74(at)gmail.com or tweet me @JudyAmy74.

Intro to Poetry, Day 3: Friend

What can I say about a friend like you?
Except that you keep me sane and somewhat
Likeable and definitely make me easier to
Live with and be around.
But know that you are not my first choice of friend.
Understand that I don’t mean to criticize and that I am genuinely
Thankful for your presence but also know that I am
Resentful of having to depend on you so much.
I wish sometimes that I could just let you go but I can’t because I
Need you, especially if I want to have any other friends.

Notes: Today’s theme was “Friend” and I the challenge was to write an acrostic poem, which I managed to succeeded in doing. I found it impossible to write a poem around this theme without it sounding either incredibly cheesy or like I hadn’t just ripped off a Hallmark card. And when is this Writer’s Block ever going to end? I thought this poetry course would help with that, and maybe it has but right now I just find anything I write to be really terrible and thinking about that fact is super depressing. Maybe I’ll have better luck tomorrow. Here’s hoping.

If you’d like to contact me about this post or about anything else you’ve read,
please email me: judyamy74(at)gmail.com or tweet me @JudyAmy74.

Bell Let’s Talk Day: Some Snippets from My Story

This is a bit of my story about being a highly sensitive person who struggles with depression. There’s lots to share, but I’ve limited it to this particular piece, because it’s not like depression is one giant black hole, but a continuum of ups and downs.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who had big dreams. One of these dreams was to be an actor, or a writer. After a short time in First Grade of wanting to work at McDonald’s the girl realized that her real dream was to shine brightly either on the stage or on the page.

The little girl decided that the best way to start making her dreams come true was by participating in any opportunities that came her way.

Photo Credit: Erika Wittlieb, Pixabay

Photo Credit: Erika Wittlieb, Pixabay

She entered speech festivals and speech competitions, winning trophies and accolades. She auditioned for and received parts in community theatre productions. The little girl was even featured in her local newspaper as an aspiring actor with big dreams.

Then High School happened. After a particularly hard Drama course where the girl felt shy among her older peers, the little girl’s dream of being an actor was somewhat deflated. Her drama teacher used words and misunderstandings to begin to break down her dream. She had known about the power of words, but hadn’t experienced them in such a hurtful way before.

The little girl told herself that she could still attain her dream, but in order to do so, she would need to travel far away to a small university out of province, where the echo of her teacher’s words would be erased and where the shadow of doubt could not follow her. She believed that her dream of being an actor could still be fulfilled.

Then one day the little girl’s dad got sick. During this time she let go of her dream of going to a university far away. In fact, she didn’t want to go to university at all, but her dad, who understood his little girl better than she understood herself, told her that it was best if she did, so she enrolled at the large anonymous university in the nearby city.

Within the first few months of attending classes, the little girl’s father died. At the time of her father’s death, the little girl was lost. She couldn’t hold onto her dreams anymore and so she let them all go.

Photo Credit: Erika Wittlieb, Pixabay

Photo Credit: Erika Wittlieb, Pixabay

Note: Each time you tweet today using #BellLetsTalk, Bell will donate 5¢ more to mental health initiatives. You can find out more about Bell Let’s Talk Day at http://letstalk.bell.ca/en/bell-lets-talk-day

If you’d like to contact me about this post or about anything else you’ve read please email me: judyamy74(at)gmail.com or tweet me @JudyAmy74.

A-B: Anyone Can Have an Eating Disorder

I’ve been considering doing this A-Z blogging challenge and I’m already 2 days behind, so I thought I’d knock off two letters at the same time. It’s a topic I’ve written about before but tonight I stumbled across the following article:

http://www.bustle.com/articles/16685-im-a-fat-woman-who-had-an-eating-disorder-and-no-the-two-are-not-mutually

In the article, McCarthy talks about how her eating disorder went unnoticed by doctors, friends, and family because she was overweight. I find her story to be really sad, and I completely relate to it. In a way, I was lucky. When I began my long journey through anorexia and bulimia, I was thin. When I was considered as “cured” as I was going to be by doctors years later, I was even thinner. For many years, when I opened up to people about my eating disorder, they immediately felt sorry for me and had nothing but words of comfort and support.

Over the last four and a half years (basically since I had the twins) I have gained a lot of weight, and many would now consider me fat. It’s what I call myself when I look in the mirror, not in a “You go, girl!” sort of way, but in a “You’re pathetic!” way. I’ve noticed something though in the last few years. When I open up to someone about my eating disorder, I am now met with surprise, off-colour jokes, and outright disbelief. (“Everyone thinks they had an eating disorder.”) and I’m pretty sure the reason they respond like this is because of my weight. Many people assume (and tell me) that I was bulimic only and not also anorexic, because, well, I’m fat.

This harms and hurts me more than these people can know.

When you have experienced an eating disorder, the issues never go away.  I weigh more than I ever have in my entire life and yet I continue to have eating and food issues every day. There is never a day when I am free from feeling disgust, shame, guilt, or disappointment about eating. And when I try to reach out only to be pushed away because of my weight, it really affects me.

This is a very real issue. The bottom line is that anyone regardless of size or shape can have a serious eating disorder and if someone reaches out to you, listen. Don’t judge them based on your misperceptions. Believe them and believe in them. Everyone deserves this, not just the stereotypes.

If you would like to contact me about this post or about anything else you’ve read please email me at: judyamy74(at)gmail(dot)com or tweet me @JudyAmy74