J is for J. (Two Poems)

Notes: J is for J. A person I knew a long time ago. I wanted to be friends, but (s)he wanted to be more. We kind of tried it both ways. Neither worked. And a relationship was lost, which is always sad. These are older poems which I decided to re-visit and re-post, since J. was a significant part of my life during a certain time period.

For J.

You simplify me.
You break me down into the
Most basic of parts.
A + B = C; therefore
I am good
Or so your theory goes.
But I’m more complicated
Than basic algebraic equations
That you figure out in your head
Or maybe with a pencil
On scrap paper.

(2000)

J

J (Photo credit: urbanmkr)

For J. (Revisited)

How long has it been?
15 years, almost.
Not quite.

Long enough that we should be able to be
Civilized with one another.
After all,
I moved on,
You moved on,
We moved on.
But we were never a we anyway.

What are you thinking about in your head
When you look at me?
I inquire after your child.
I tell you about mine.

Why the chill in the air?
Lighten up–
It’s a party.
Your partner seems lovely.
I’m happy for you.
Truly.
Are you?

Why do you still look at me
As though I have
Wronged you?
Betrayed you?
I did neither of these things.
Can you not admit this
Even now?

I am not the girl I once was.
And you are not who you once were.
We’re older now–
Parents, partners, grown-ups.
So why can’t you
Get past the past?

I’m not the girl you lost;
I was never yours to lose.
I’m not the girl who got away.

I am a 38 year old mother of three
Trying to reconnect with an old friend.
But let’s be honest–
We were never really friends,
Were we?

So, please,
Take me down off of your pedestal.
I was never comfortable there anyway.

(2013/2014)

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