Yesterday

Yesterday I was 117 pounds.

Today I am 171 pounds.

Yesterday I had an eating disorder.

Today I am healthy.

 

Yesterday I had 3 lovers to manage.

Today I have three children to care for.

Then I was desired.

Now I am loved.

 

Yesterday seems so long ago,

So foreign to me now.

Another time, another me.

And yet that me is still there inside

Taunting my round body

with its slim sexiness.

Mocking my faithfulness

to my partner and family.

Laughing at my conventional lifestyle

That I had sworn never to become a part of.

 

If I am healthy and loved (and I am)

Why do I listen to this voice?

Perhaps the appeal and pull and power

Is actually a romanticization of the past; –the deliberate

forgetting of the sorrow, heartache, and despair

that accompanied this time.

The question I should be asking is not

Why I am listening to this voice but rather

How I choose to answer it.

–July 11, 2013

 

Notes: My favourite part of this poem is the third stanza, and I wonder if it stands alone without the framework of the other stanzas. I think if I did have it on it’s own, it would need a stronger or more definitive ending.  I’d welcome any suggestions. Here it is on it’s own:

 

Yesterday seems so long ago,

So foreign to me now.

Another time, another me.

And yet that me is still there inside

Taunting my round body

with its slim sexiness.

Mocking my faithfulness

to my partner and family.

Laughing at my conventional lifestyle

That I had sworn never to become a part of.

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